How Eating Disorders Mirror Relationships
Take a moment to reflect on a meaningful relationship in your life– this could be your dynamic with a friend, partner, parent, or sibling. What makes this relationship special? Is it the unwavering support they offer? Their presence through thick and thin? The way they make you feel valued and loved?
By: Tori Barkosky
Now, take all those feel-good emotions, and there you have it: you now understand how it feels to have a relationship with an eating disorder (and why it can be so difficult to let them go).
In this blog post, we’ll delve deeper into the parallels between eating disorders and relationships, despite the fact that eating disorders aren’t tangible entities.
What Are Relationships?
Relationships, according to Moving Mindsets, are interactions that define the human experience, serving four key purposes.
Firstly, they provide positive interactions that stimulate us, or to attain “affirmative stimulus,” meaning we enjoy being surrounded by those we positively interact with.
Secondly, relationships offer emotional support, guidance, and reassurance–particularly significant during challenging situations.
Thirdly, they allow for group appraisal, enabling others to compare and contrast their emotional states, mutual experiences, and foster a sense of belonging.
Lastly, relationships fulfill the human desire for attention and validation, including the desire to feel valued and important by others.
If you’ve experienced an eating disorder, you may recognize similarities between your relationship with those who matter to you and your relationship with your disorder.
Like relationships with people, you might enjoy being in the company of the eating disorder, having its emotional support, being praised for listening to its rules, or having its undivided attention– especially if you are following its every beck and call.
Eating Disorders are Like Abusive Relationships
Building on this further, eating disorders exhibit many traits and characteristics found in abusive relationships, as outlined by Dr. Angela Morgan.
These traits include but are not limited to, an initial “honeymoon” phase, secrecy, hyper-criticalness, changing rules, and minimization. You can find a more detailed table comparing features of abusive relationships and eating disorders here, but we’ve attached a condensed version below for easy visual aid.
Of course, we encourage you to explore Dr. Angela Morgan’s full article in the References section for more in-depth insights.
Understanding the intricate parallels between eating disorders and relationships sheds light on the complexities of both experiences. Just as we do within our own meaningful relationships, those with eating disorders may find themselves drawn to the familiarity, support, and validation provided by their company, despite the harm they cause.
However, with education, support, and a collaborative treatment team, recovering from an eating disorder and cultivating fulfilling relationships with both yourself and others is possible.
Eating disorders not only affect your interpersonal relationships, but also impact the relationship you have with yourself. If you or someone you know is struggling with an eating disorder, relationships can feel like navigating a minefield. You can download our FREE Relationships Workbook to learn practical tools, communication strategies, and more. Click here to download the workbook and get the entire PDF sent straight to your inbox.
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This post was written by BALANCE Blog Contributor, Tori Barkosky (she/her).
Tori is a recent graduate of St. Catherine University, having earned a B.A. in Psychology and a minor in Nutrition Science. Tori is passionate about all things related to intuitive eating, HAES, mental health, body respect, eating disorders, and disordered eating. She also geeks out on neuroscience and loves studying the brain and its anatomy. Tori currently works as a Mental Health Practitioner at an eating disorder clinic. Outside work, she enjoys practicing yoga, exploring nature, and drinking coffee.
References
Morgan, Angela. “Similarities between Eating Disorders & Abusive Relationships - Dr Angela Morgan.” Dr Angela Morgan | Psychology, 7 Nov. 2019, www.drmorgan.com.au/the-similarities-between-an-eating-disorder-abusive-relationships/.
Seksembaeva, Zarina. “What Are Relationships?” Moving Mindsets, 22 Feb. 2022, www.movingmindsets.com.au/what-are-relationships/.