Showing Yourself Love This Valentine’s Day
Each year, when Valentine’s Day rolls around, we focus on how to make our loved ones feel loved. Fuzzy stuffed animals stock the store shelves, restaurants receive call after call for dinner reservations, and we think of the perfect way to ask that special someone if they will be our Valentine.
By: Sajel Jani
However, one person is usually left out of this chaotic storm of love - and that person is you. For someone with an eating disorder, self-compassion and self-love are vital assets that could ride shotgun on the road to recovery.
What if you could be your own Valentine this year?
What Is Self-Compassion?
As explained by Kristin Neff in her book “Fierce Self-Compassion,” self-compassion comprises three core elements: self-kindness, common humanity, and mindfulness. Self-kindness serves the purposes of love, bravery, fulfillment, and encouragement; common humanity involves connection, empowerment, balance, and wisdom; and mindfulness incorporates presence, clarity, authenticity, and vision. You cannot master self-compassion overnight; it needs to be practiced and implemented into our daily lives so that we can learn to turn our compassion inward and soak in all of its support.
How Can Self-Compassion and Self-Love Be Helpful In Eating Disorder Recovery?
Many people have a part of themselves that can be identified as our “inner critic.” This harsh inner critic makes us feel like complete failures when we make a small mistake and are pretty inadequate overall. People struggling with an eating disorder experience this inner critic, too, except it is referred to as the “eating disorder voice.” When the eating disorder voice is really loud, it can tell us and make us feel that we are unworthy or undeserving of love. Engaging in self-compassion techniques can help quiet that voice and allow us to embrace ourselves, flaws, and all. This practice can also help improve symptoms of emotional distress, self-esteem, and overall eating disorder symptomatology.
How Can I Show Myself Love This Valentine’s Day?
Here are some self-compassion practices you can use this Valentine’s Day or any day!
Soothe Yourself Using Your Five Senses
Draw a warm bath, light a candle, put on some music, sip some herbal tea, watch a movie or TV show - anything you can feel, hear, see, smell, or taste that is calming to you!
Have a Main Character Moment and Take Yourself on a Date
Work at a cafe or coffee shop, set up a movie night for yourself, take yourself shopping, go to your nearest library and pick out a new book, take a painting or pottery class, etc. Anything you usually do with someone else can be done with just you!
Soothing & Supportive Touch
This exercise on pages 27-28 of Kristin Neff’s book involves using different types of touch to see how it makes you feel. Neff categorizes touch into tenderness and strength; tender, soothing options are holding your hands over your heart or cradling your face in your own hands, while solid and supportive options are squeezing your hand or keeping your arms planted firmly on your hips.
Self-Compassion Letter
Write yourself a letter like you would write to someone you love, like a close friend or a family member. Incorporate the three components of self-compassion - self-kindness, common humanity, and mindfulness - as they already show up in your life and how they can continue to grow and develop in your life.
Overall, it is essential to remember that even something like self-compassion cannot be perfected entirely, as perfection does not exist. While we can do our best to practice self-compassion throughout our lives, there will probably still be times when it feels more challenging and inaccessible - that’s okay! Self-compassion helps us treat ourselves with more love, understanding, and support, even if we cannot always do that. Knowing that you did your best with what you had in that moment and not judging yourself for it is practicing self-compassion.
At BALANCE eating disorder treatment center™, our compassionate, highly skilled team of clinicians is trained in diagnosing and treating the spectrum of eating disorders, including anorexia, bulimia, binge eating disorder, compulsive overeating, and other disordered eating behaviors and body image issues. Click here to download and access our FREE Eating Disorders and Relationships Workbook, which contains information on the hidden ways eating disorders come between you and your loved ones, practical skills to support communication, boundaries, and more.
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This post was written by BALANCE Clinical Intern, Sajel Jani (she/her).
Sajel Jani is currently in her final year of Columbia University’s MSW program and holds a B.A. in Psychology from The College of New Jersey. Her passion lies in supporting clients on their eating disorder recovery journey, including finding confidence, self-empowerment, and what is considered healthy for them. Sajel is an active fighter against diet culture on social media and strives to spread messages of self-love and acceptance. Ultimately, she wants to pursue a career where she can help those struggling with an eating disorder discover the life they deserve without an eating disorder. In her free time, she enjoys spending time with loved ones, going for walks, and reading. Sajel is excited and eager to learn from the talented staff at BALANCE and aid clients in their journeys toward recovery.