What To Do When Self-Comparison Is Haunting You
The fall is a time for pumpkin patches, falling leaves, and Halloween costumes. But it also marks the beginning of the holiday season, which can be a stressful milestone each year. While there is so much to be joyful about, it might also feel like self-comparison haunts you at every step. Let’s take a closer look at self-comparison, why we do it, and how to stop it.
By: Alexandra Carter
What is Self-Comparison?
It is a part of human nature to compare ourselves. By doing this we gain a better understanding of our place in the world. This comes from The Social Comparison Theory, which originated when Leon Festinger suggested that people use self-evaluation to build their sense of identity compared to those around them.
There are two types of self-comparison: upward and downward. Upward comparison is when the comparison involves something perceived as “superior,” and downward involves something perceived as “less than.”
In theory and practice, self-comparison is not necessarily a bad thing. It can act as a way of motivation, inspiration, and protection by inciting improvements and helping us find like-minded communities. But, there is also a darker side to self-comparison. It can harm a person’s self-esteem and well-being, primarily when used to measure self-worth.
How Does Comparison Affect Us?
Although it's not a downright “bad” thing, with the rise of social media, self-comparison has become increasingly toxic. When you only see the “highlight reels” of the people around you, you are no longer comparing yourself to reality. Instead, you are comparing yourself to a fantasy. This leads to even more feelings of envy, anxiety, and unworthiness.
The almost constant self-comparison can exacerbate and emphasize already harmful thoughts and behaviors, especially for people struggling with eating disorders.
The reality is that self-comparison is a part of the human experience. It allows you to understand yourself and where you fit in society. However, the overwhelming focus on worthiness and appearance makes it difficult to negotiate self-comparison in a way that supports well-being.
How to Navigate Self-Comparison
Here are some ways to navigate self-comparison in a productive and positive way:
Be Aware of What Your Triggers Are.
Get to know what situations make you feel bad about yourself. Once you are aware of what triggers your negative self-comparisons, you can make a plan to avoid them.
Focus Your Time on Social Media.
Endless scrolling takes a toll on your self-worth. Unfollow accounts that make you feel bad and limit your time consuming content. Curate your social media to accounts that uplift you.
Aim for an experience, not appearance.
Negative self-comparison often leads to a laser focus on appearance. Instead, pay attention to the experiences you are having. How you look is not important. What you do, and how you feel? That’s the target!
Remember, Insecurity is Universal.
Insecurity is a human feeling. Everyone experiences self-doubt and anxiety. Remind yourself that you are not alone in feeling this way.
While you cannot stop self-comparison altogether, be intentional about it in a way that supports your mental health and well-being, especially if you are struggling with an eating disorder. Boost your self-confidence instead of tearing yourself down. Getting support for your mental health and mindset can make all the difference in becoming more resilient and self-assured.
At BALANCE eating disorder treatment center™, our compassionate, highly skilled team of clinicians is trained in diagnosing and treating the spectrum of eating disorders, including anorexia, bulimia, binge eating disorder, compulsive overeating, and other disordered eating and body image issues.
Join BALANCE Founder & CEO Melainie Rogers (she/her) for a FREE webinar, Do You Have Food Rules? Fear Foods 101, on Thursday, October 27th, at 12:00 pm EST, to gain clarity on what ‘fear foods’ are and how to face your fears for the freedom you deserve. In this webinar, you will learn how ‘fear foods’ might be standing in your way, understand common food rules and where they come from, identify diet culture and its influence on how we relate to food, help shed some light on how to develop a positive relationship with food, and more! Click here to register for the webinar.
This post was written by Intuitive Eating | HAES Content Creator, Alexandra Carter (she/her).
Alexandra Carter is a professional actor, turned certified Intuitive Eating Counselor and Health and Wellbeing Coach, turned Content Creator. After moving to NYC for her undergraduate degree in Musical Theater, Alexandra spent 10 years working all over the world as an actor/singer/dancer. Through her own healing journey, Alexandra found her way to the anti-diet space and went on to gain coaching and counseling certifications, in addition to starting her own coaching business. It was there she fell in love with content creation as a way of sharing ideas, genuinely connecting with people, and affecting powerful change. Alexandra is thrilled to be on the team at BALANCE, combining all her skills and passions to foster authentic healing.
References
HQ, P., 2022. Leon Festinger's Social Comparison Theory - The Psychology Notes Headquarters. [online] The Psychology Notes Headquarters. Available at: <https://www.psychologynoteshq.com/leonfestinger-socialcomparisontheory/> [Accessed 15 September 2022].
The Emily Program. 2022. Why do we Compare Ourselves to Others? - The Emily Program. [online] Available at: <https://www.emilyprogram.com/blog/why-do-we-compare-ourselves-to-others/> [Accessed 15 September 2022].